Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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