I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
