careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
