Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
