I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
