You're my little dorito
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i will never coherently bang her
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize