How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
