An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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