Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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