i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
