Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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