i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
