she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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