His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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