worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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