don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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