I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
