Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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