You smell like stripper and shame
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
