maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
