Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
there's paper in my vomit.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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