A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize