In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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