Say something about gay babies.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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