Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
