but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
