My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
