My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
