I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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