Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
