im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
