He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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