Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
