No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
