Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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