Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
