I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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