As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
