Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
