my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
