even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
