Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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