to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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