I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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