Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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