I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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