but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
