Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
