You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
