3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize