Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The air taste purple.
Randomize
