just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
