This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
