hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Where did you get a picture of my penis
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize