Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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