and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
