i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
