At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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