Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
