My brain says no but my pants say off.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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