Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
