In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
