I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
