just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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